My Lyrics,Poems & My Life Story.

There's nothing

2011-12-13T13:59:00.002+08:00

A day has past, I am still here.
I am all alone.
Dying here.
There's no one here.
What can I say.
No one cares.
No one stays.

I know you love her.
I can only see from a far.
Caressing her, she's in your arms.
What can I do?
I shall just smile.
Nobody knows how it feels like to be me.
I'm a lonely girl, sitting at this seat.
Nobody cares what so ever about me.
Because I am a girl trap in the scene.
The scene that no one can see.
I am just an extra.
Nobody cares,
Nobody knows,
that this extra is about to blow.

Nobody listens,
nobody sees.
All that they see are just the leads.
Nobody cares
Nobody knows.

What a....

2010-07-07T00:20:00.002+08:00

Mann it has been so long since i updated this blog!!

omg!!

anyways, my life sucks these days!

school is hopeless, like wth!

have to do reflection journal everyday!!

like wth!!

and not forgetting presentations.

damn boring can!

sighs!

2moro gonna have UT which is Understanding test!

sucks like shits!

FML!!

well, i found this lyrics while i was reading one of the fanfics online..

so yeap, credits to that person who wrote that fanfic titled, She, My memory's refrained.

And now the purple dust of twilight time

Streaks across the meadows of my heart

High up in the sky, the little stars climb

Always reminding me that we’re apart

You wandered down the lane and far away

Leaving me a song that will not die

Love is now the stardust of yesterday

The music of the years gone by.

Sometimes I wonder why I spend

The lonely nights dreaming of a song

The melody haunts my reverie

And I am once again with you

When our love was new

And each kiss an inspiration

But that was long ago

Now my consolation

Is in the stardust of a song.

Beside a garden wall

Where stars are bright

You are in my arms

The nightingale tells its fairy tale

Of paradise where roses grew

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love’s refrain

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love’s refrain

Bring me to life.

2009-07-16T22:58:00.002+08:00

Tic toc tic toc..
that's what i've heard from the clock everytime..
Time passes fast these days..
The least you expect..
I am now am happy with what i am going through..
I am trying my best to pull myself through..
Get myself up..
giving medicated oil to the wound that is never going to heal..
Meditating,doing exercises..
making myself look like an idiot..
I am feeling better now..
I just hope that nobody rubs salt to my wounds anymore..
I am sick and tired of entertaining you people childish act..
I wanna be me..
I don't care what others are thinking..
so long as i am happy with myself..
that's enough..
I am moving on..
now what i am searching for is for someone..
someone who can enter my life and accepting me as i am..
I want to be loved..
I want that feeling of being love..
i don't want to only dream..
I want to feel how couples feel..
of course there are restrictions..
I want someone who i can share my problems to when i need a shoulder to cry on..
hopefully one day Allah will bless me with someone who is to my expectation..
I wish everything will work out for me..

Why must people be that way?

2009-06-26T23:33:00.003+08:00

Damn why am i always crying?
why am i so sensitive and emotional!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW NO RA!!
NOW!!
damn it!!
why?why must it always be about friends?
why must it always be friends that i care for make me cry this bad?why?
Why must i tolerate and understand their feelings??
why??
Maybe i made a mistake for being too quiet..
Must I be the old me?
MUST I??
God Damn It!!
why must my life be like this?
Why am i always having crisis with friends?
why?
eversince i lose her,i have been trying to make myself feel better by changing into a new leaf..
But it's hard!!
BECAUSE the old me is still there!!
Why can't they understand what i am going through??
why must they make me like this???
why do they hate me so much!!??
What have i ever do to them??
they are happy what?
why must i be this way?
WHY!!??!!
Why is my life so screwed?
Why!!DAMN IT WHY???!!!!!!!

Open ur eyes and look outside find the reasons why.

2009-06-09T22:51:00.002+08:00

My life seems to be bored to death right now..
I am always so busy, that i have no time for myself.
I am trying my best to fulfill everyone's need.
People are always expecting great and high things out from me.
But i just can't anymore.
I need time to think.
I am so stressed out right now..
There's so many things that i need to juggle right now.
This is freaking me out..
Please let me breathe.

i am not ready for battleship..

2009-04-04T00:30:00.002+08:00

Life's a downfall now..Everything seems so wrong..

I am not like a friend who i used to be..

I am sorry if i neglected our friendship..

I really did tried my best..

Now i can't even give a good advise..

I am so sorry..

I am so sorry that i was not able to be there when you need me..

I am sorry for being such a useless friend..I tried my best..

I tried my best to be there..

I,myself am stuck with problems..I am not who i used to be..

I forced myself..

Forced myself to be somebody I am not..I hate my life these days..

Everything seems so rookie..Everything seems so wrong..

Even at home,There is no peace..

People tend to shout at each other..

Making noises..

Making each other angry..

Whatever movement doesn't seems right anymore..

I've find myself in useless and pathetic..I tried to tell myself to brush everything aside..

Move on with life..

But somehow,somewhere i will get stuck again..I hate myself..

For being so slow,

For being so stupid,

For being so weak,

For being so paranoid,

For being an idiot in front of everybody's eyes..

I hate myself..

I wish for that day to come..I wish for my life to turn around..

I wish to let people know how i truly feel..

I wish I was not hurt..

I wish..

For a reincarnation...To be born again..

I want to fix everything..Fix the missing puzzle..

I am so empty..

My Life is Like a...

2009-04-02T17:25:00.003+08:00

Exactly...

This is me..

Broken..

Shattered into pieces..

Everything in my life is disaster..

Losing the people i love..

Wanting to forget everything..

But..

I just can't..

It leaves a deep impact on me..

I am holding back the tears..

Every pain..

I just wish for a successful life to live on..

But..

Why must everything be so hard for me?

Fine..

I shall blame myself..

I am to blame for everything..

I am not perfect..

Yes..

That's true..

Bits and pieces of my life slowly faded away..

I am gone..

After i break..

I will be in the bins..

Nobody knows..

I have endure so far..

I tried and i tried..

To make my life better..

Smiling eventhough i am in pain..

But thing are always downfall for me..

But..

However,I thank HIM,who make me alive..

I know i live for a reason..

But..

I can't bear it for long..

I will fall one day..

I shall smile my way through.

arghs!!

2009-03-28T19:10:00.002+08:00

I am freaking damn frustrated with them!!!

all of them!

Gosh i Hate myself!!

It's the end of our friendship BUT it's a new journey i have to take..

2009-03-27T01:23:00.003+08:00

Well i changed blogskin again..
let's see..
now i am having trouble sleeping again..
time check now is 1.23am!
mann!
can u believe it?
i am having training 2moro and i am still wide awake!
oh gosh oh gosh!
let me tell you i want to run!
but it's just that i am the type of person who put body then my mind first..
because if something happens to my mind i can sit down and relax about it..
but if something happens to my body..what am i suppose to do?
seeing doctor won't help me cure this sickness..
i am in pain..
Ok..let's continue..

i lose so much weight after i join dragonboat..
i am glad that i'd lose such weight..
but that is not why i joined dragonboat..
well the reason is to forget about somebody..
and i am forgetting that person day by day,
as training gets tougher and i get to hang around with my team mates..
I thank Allah for giving me a chance to change my life..

I almost lose myself when she decided to leave our friendship dangling up in the air..
I felt like i was thrown into the dungeon where there's nobody to safe me..
I felt like there was no air for me to breath..
I was suffocating..

Now it has been 1 years' plus that she had left me stranded..
I do still think about her though..
But not that much..
I know people will be thinking "come on she's just a friend.."

Well let me ask you..
How would you feel being left by a friend who you appreciate and has been Bestfriends for 10 years?
Who you've shared all your problems,who you talked to when you are being bullied or when you are happy and over the moon..
How would you feel?
Now that she's gone..
All i can do is just pray for her..

That day..
8th March 2008..
I was shocked upon received the msg from my friend saying that my Bestfriend can't be friends with me anymore...
First,i thought she was joking..
So i tried to contact my bestfriend but she didn't answer..
for so many times..
Then her aunt even called,she asked me to stay away from her niece..

I cried day and night..
I didn't know who to turn to..
I felt like committing suicide..
But i still remember HIM..
I remembered ALLAH..
I know what's right and what's wrong..

It was hard moving on..
My GFs and my dearest Good Friend who i call Unnie helped me gain back my life...

Then soon school starts..
...
It hurts me when i saw her new bestfriend in school..
But however i know i shouldn't dwell on it..
So i just act normally..

I made new friends in my new school..
In front of them I laughed,smile and act as cheerful as i can be..
But deep down inside i am tearing up..
I smiled and laughed..
Oh what a fool i was..

I joined Dragonboat..
I trained..
I decided to move on..
During training I still pretend that i am happy and cheerful..

But one day i can't hold much longer..
It was her birthday..
I can't meet her,I can't contact her.
I can't do anything..
I was frustrated..
I shouted at the top of my lungs..
Screaming her name after a run..
I cried..
I was in pain..
Nobody knew how i felt that day..
Nobody knew except me..

I was broken and shattered..
But i told myself,what was i doing?
What's wrong with me?
She don't appreciate me!
She don't appreciate our friendship at all!
Why must I think of her?
She never give a thought about me at all!
Why should i think about her?

This is because..
I still love and care for her..
But sad thing is our friendship is now no more..

Pain,anger,sadness filled me..
But i decided it was no use dwelling about the past..
What i must think for now is my future..

So now i am still struggling..
ur friendship only stands from year 1997- Early 2008..
10 years of friendship gone down the drain just like that..
1 year of suffering to forget..
I am still suffocating..
But hopefully I can be the old me again..
I hate pretending..
I really hate it..

Miss you..

2009-03-12T22:30:00.001+08:00

I miss you dearly..
it has been a year.
i miss you terribly..
i miss you my dear friend..
Wish to see you right now.
i miss you so much!!

I am to blame..

2009-02-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

fikir aku takde perasaan kape?!!
fikir aku ni batu?anak patong?!
aku tak mintak tau hidop dalam dunia ni!
sume aku buat salah..
tu salah ni salah..
semua serba tak kena pade mata korg..
yelah aku ni kan yang paling menyusah kan!
semenjak aku dilahir kan lagi aku dah menyusah kan korg!
yelah aku sedar..
aku selalu menyusah kan orang..
tapi korg fikir aku nak ke menyusah kan orang?
fikir aku takde keje lain nak buat?
aku pegi sekolah pun sebab korg tau..
kalo tak jangan harap lah aku nak jejak tu sekolah..
aku lebih rela keje..
aku binget!!!!
sume serba tak kena je skrg..
kat rumah tak tenang,kat sekolah tak tenang..
fikir selama ni aku senyum dan ketawe korg fikir aku gembira?
tak!!
aku tak suke dengan keadaan aku skrg..
selalu aku je yang kene tolak ansur..
selalu aku yang bagi muke kat korg..
aku penat tau tak..
fikir aku tak stress?
aku stress..
aku diam je selama ni..sebab aku tak nak kacau korg..
sebab aku tau kalau aku ckp pon takde org nak dngr!
sume serba tak kena..

I love you so!!

2009-02-17T23:45:00.003+08:00

I don't know why but this feelings for you kept getting stronger.
I don't know why am i feeling this way
Whenever i saw you there with your friends
I'll be waiting for you to look at my direction
I wanted to smile to you
But you never look at me

I know i am not as attractive
I know i am not as capable

I don't know if i'll regret having this feelings for you
I am scared
Scared that one day...

I tried not to think so much.
I really did..
but no matter how hard i tried i'll think of you every single day!
it's frustrating
i tried not to think to much about you.
but the more i tried the more i'll think about you.

It's frustrating!!

I just wish that for once you'll notice me..
Please Dear God hear my prayers.
I wish to know him better.
And for him to be by my side..
Please Dear God,help me..

Blown away!

2009-01-21T08:04:00.003+08:00

I am sick and tired of conflicts!
Please stop it right now!
I can't take it anymore!

I am sick!
Sick of all this!!

Get a life people..
GROW UP!!

The days goes by without notice

2009-01-02T00:00:00.003+08:00

Hey it's New Year!!

Sayonara 2008!!

Welcome 2009!!

Mann..it sure is funny being all alone in New Year..

Well this year i am gonna start my life a fresh..

So far today some of my friends send me messages..

But it sure is different not receiving her message..

well..

now she has a new life..

she's happy..

so this new year..

I want to be happy.

I want my smile and life back.

I want to live my life to the fullest.

Eventhough i may see someone that might may make me think of her.

I shall just smile and look away.

I want to move on now.

for serious measures.

I don't want to put myself down by remembering the pain.

The wounds will be there.

But i am sure the pain will go away.

Now all i can do is pray.

Pray that the truth will be finally reveal.

I am hoping that i and her can still be friends even though not like how we used to.

I just want to talk to her.

I just hope for a friendship with her.

But not like how we use to.

Just normal and casual.

If God willing.

I pray that,the person who has start all this will soon realised and tell her the truth.

I hope God shows them the reality.

Ok..

so i won't dwell..

sorry if i just did..

You know,it's hard to forget someone you cared and loved for..

Especially when that person you have know for more than 7 years.

well..

I am hoping for the best now..

Hello New Life!!

I am turning 19 soon..so hopefully my life will go on smoothly..

Thoughtless,where?

2008-12-22T22:13:00.006+08:00

'Maybe tonight we'll fly so far away,We'll be lost before the dawn...'

I always tell myself to move on
Life is hard
It's true
I know.
But how long can i fake it?
Only God knows.
I tried
I did.
I really did.
I pushed myself to the limit.
Lied through my teeth
Saying that i am ok but i am not
I am not a good liar
I know.
I can't lie all the way throughout
I need someone to tell this to
How can i pretend that i don't see
I need you
Yes you
I am dying
Dying of your long gone existence

Everyday i listened to the sounds of the musics being played by my MP3.
Knowing that all those songs have it's meaning
Every single songs that is being played reminds me of you
You have been so long gone but you never died in my heart.
Your existence is still quite strong in my heart
Eventhough you are gone physically
But in my heart you are still there.
I know that there's no way am i gonna bring you back
You are forever gone forever you.
I know deep down inside we still care for each other
I know i do.
I never ever forget you for one second..
As your presence is still here..
Locked inside my heart..
I am trying my best to forget you..
But no matter how hard i try something out there will help me remember you
It hurts
It pains
Gosh the wounds..
If only you feel how i am feeling right now
I know you are happy
And i am glad you are
But have you ever think of me?
Have you ever asked yourself
If what you are doing is something beneficial?
Do you have the heart?
I don't even understand why you left me
I want to know
But you won't let me
Why?
Why?
Why?
My heart has been shattered into many pieces
I really want to know the reason to all this
I really need to know.

Out there
I smiled,
I laughed,
I motivated,
I cheered,
I've show people who i am not
Deep down inside my life has been shattered
Into a million pieces
Like daggers piercing through your body
Feeling the pain of someone who has been stabbed
I have been stabbed
Not knowing the truth
The trust i gave you
Where's that trust?
I am disappointed.

sighs..

Beyond this Imaginary lights...

2008-12-21T14:38:00.002+08:00

I can't feel you
I can't see you
I can't hear you
I can't..

These eyes doesn't seem to see anymore
These lips doesn't seem to talk anymore
These ears doesn't seem to listen anymore
These life...

I know I must move on
With or without you
Life is hard
Life is a burden
Life is a sacrifice
Life is great
Life is...

Knowing you has replace a lot of missing puzzles
Puzzles that were never solved all these years
Eventhough you are gone
The puzzles still continues to solve
For me
Life is all about missing pieces
I have lose a lot of missing pieces
You helped me find it
You made me trust you
You are...

These puzzles are solved all because of you
But there are still alot more
More for Me to solve by my own
At first i can't
I just can't do it
I just...

I left those pieces left unattended
Not solving it
My life was miserable
Miserable it is
But one day
I look up in the sky
The sky made me think
Made me think of how stupid i am
How an idiot i have been
I think and think
And think...

Now i am sitting down
Thinking of how to solve this puzzle by myself
Now,not having any help from anyone
I am solving the missing pieces by myself
It's hard
Yes it is
Moving on to the next puzzle after one has been solved
One by one
Piece by piece
I am glad
I am glad that...

Eversince i am being left alone
I know there are some people behind me
My Family
My Friends
My Instincts
My Nature
My Life
and mostly
Myself

Beyond this Imaginary
There is a light
A light that i hope to reach for
To reach for it and be who i am truthfully

Beyond this light
I can find all those answers

Beyond this answers
I can seek those in pain

Hopefully...

I m losing you,it's true but i ain't gonna be the same without you..

2008-11-28T13:12:00.005+08:00

I am losing my sanity because of you
Every single day all i can think about is you
It's driving me insane
Why must i play this game?

Are you a heartless person?
Do you really need to leave?
Must we really be on our separate ways?
Is it better this way?

I prayed day and night not to ever see you again
Even though i miss you so much
Knowing you safe and sound out there
Am already glad.

I love you no matter what happened between us..
I just wish that all the lies that was told will be reveal soon.

But by that time,
I think i have nothing much to say
Other than thank you and goodbye.
Take care and i love you..

This pain..
This wound..
It has left a big impact in me.

I wish to turn back time.
To mend every single things that went wrong.

I believe
I believe that somewhere out there a miracle will happen..
It's just a matter of time..

Na Bogoshipoh..
Na Saranghaeyo...
I am wishing and praying
Whatever happens next will make me strong again..

-Noor-

P/s: mann i am so bored!!haha..let me sing mirotic!
Non nareul wonhae!!
(WONHAE!!!)
hahaha...
I got you....
Under my skin..
I am so in love!!

Down the drain...

2008-10-27T19:40:00.000+08:00

Whenever i look up in the sky
As the sky turned dark
I kept thinking of you
Wondering if you have ever think of me

I worried about you
Waiting for your call every single night
What are you doing?
Are you eating well?
Are you taking a rest?
Do you have enough sleep?

I miss you every single minute
Knowing that you are there
Keeps me warm and calm

Knowing you are alright and fine
i am smiling
Knowing you are sick
I am worried
Wish to see you right away
to take care of you

As soon as i see her there instead of me
My mind just went blank
All those effort
of loving and waiting
has gone down the drain
you never realised i was there

She loves you and you love her too
I am just someone who worried too much
I was wrong
there's nothing between us

all i can say now is..
be happy..
I am just glad you came to my life..

silence

2008-10-12T16:21:00.003+08:00

Every now and then
we'll find a special day
No matter what's the time

who'll understands it all
reaches out and never fall
you're the best friend that i've had

I know you can't stay a part of whom we'll never be just hope will stay
your heart will say..

I'll make a wish for you
and hoping it come true
our life has just begun
to such a gentle smile

if you losing your way
get back on yesterday
remember me this way
remember me this way

so tell how am i supoose to live without you
oh baby tell me now it hurt and how do you do
with all the precious memory
it's just you and me
just believe
i'll make a wish for you and hope that it'll comes true
our life has just begun
to such a gentle smile
if you losing your way
get back on yesterday
remember me this way
remember me this way..

Random Post..

2008-10-05T21:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i am so paranoid..
Too paranoid that i just don't know if what i was thinking makes any sense..
I hate being in this state.
Nobody seems to understand that i am pain and wounded inside.
All they see is the happy me
always smiling and laughing
But nobody know that i am actually torn inside..
i am sick of lying and pretending who i am not!!
i don't want to be like this..
I wanna be ME!!
why can't you people just understand?
why must it always be me who tries to understand you all?
why??
Why??
why??
WHY ALWAYS ME??

Why can't i just be free from all this?
When i speak nobody seems to care unless it's meant for them..

I just wish that one day God will help me by turning this pain to joy..

Waste...

2008-09-29T23:29:00.005+08:00

The sky so dark
The rain's not stopping
As i see that my love is being drifted apart.

How i wish that i can turn back time.
But everything is already too late.

Oh where does the heaven stand
Is there anyone up there?

I let my smile cover all these pain.
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
All they see is super happy and bubbly me.

Oh where does the heaven stand
Can He really hear me?

Please i don't want to suffer like this
What's the use of being alive
If i keep on losing those i love.

I know life is short
But why must i be in this state?
why me?

Am i living for free?
I hope so not..

I don't blame anyone for this miserable life of mine
In fact I blame myself..
Sometime i just can't take it..
Does anyone out there knows how it feels?

I am crying everynight
Wishing and hoping i can wake up happy in the morning
But i feel terrible
Terrible as it may seem
I feel terrible to those who has suffer being with me.
I am sorry..
i don't mean to put you people in this state..
I know one day i will end up losing everyone..

I feel so useless..
I feel so restless..
I am breathless..

My life is such a waste..

*ok i know this is a bit cranky..err..i just feel like typing this out..some of the words meant alot..some are just there well..they are just there..LOL! well up till next post..Ahnyeong!*
p/s: am trying to write a story..hmm..but i don't know how to start..have the idea though..heee..=P

let it change for once.

2008-09-28T22:56:00.001+08:00

Have you ever know,that my life sucks?

Have you ever seen me in the dark?

Bleeding in between these thorns of roses..

Have you asked me why i am here?

Do you really care?

Have you ever heard me?

Have you ever notice me?

Have you ever know?

Have you notice the pain i am in?

I am all alone..

Nobody in this world knows how i feel.

Writing this down,i feel pain..

Deep crucial pain..

I need aid..

Aid badly..

My heart is aching..

Pleading for mercy..

But does anyone notice?

I don't know

What is it all about

I need to find myself

The need to know who i am

Because this is not who i really am

I need to breathe

Breathe in fresh air

For the sake of someone

You bring me down..

I don't know

Because i can't see

What's trap deep inside me

I need to pull

To pull things through..

And hoping that one day

Someone will give me a helping hand..

Pulling me up in this pool of crimsom regret..

No matter how hard it gets

I need to pull myself up..

To stand in this two feet back again

And be who i really am..

For once in my life it's not gonna be about them anymore

I need myself

I need my life back

I have been pulled down by all those hatred and criticism

BUT now i am going to prove them wrong..

I am who i am

If you can't accept me for who i am..

Well sorry..

Maybe i was wrong about you..

I need you...not anymore

For once it's not gonna be all about you..

For once it's gonna be about me..

So get off my life and let me live..

i am so feeling RANDOM..

2008-09-28T19:33:00.001+08:00

ok..i made another blog simply to put my lyrics and poems..

so enjoy the next few days post..adios..

Randomly noor!